it ends here

Standard

one thing that’s been proven time and time again for me: negative talk or gossip about someone we call a friend or with whom we maintain the illusion a respectful relationship shows we hold no connection sacred. simplified: if you (they) are talking shit about someone, you (they) are talking shit about everyone. when someone says something to me about another person, a part of me shuts off in my instant awareness that, in all their insecurity and fickleness, they do this to everyone.

i’ve had enough of behind the back talk, insult, criticism and judgment. i don’t want to be that kind of person and i don’t want to be around that kind of person either.

according to rule number 13 in richard robbins28 insights to make 2012 your best year yet

it ends here.

it ends here because friendship means too much to me and because i don’t have time to spend with people who aren’t authentic. to each and every one of you who are dear and true, love. xo

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6 responses »

  1. That first sentence is a doozy, my dear. šŸ™‚ I don’t have enough coffee yet, apparently.

    Typical to my form, I like to take a passive role when such negativity and behaviours abound in the people around me, especially when it’s in a setting where I simply have to deal with the cards that have been dealt — personality-wise — such as work. I do not participate, but at the same time, I often do not take an offensive position to such behaviour, either. Rather, I prefer to be a sponge/filter who simply takes in everything and then sorts it according to my own internal rules and buckets of good and bad.

    Why? Because it offers great insight into people, actions, and emotions when I am exposed to the wide gamut of things out there. I feel better equipped to deal with the world as a whole when I am exposed to as much of it as possible. I have a better perspective.

    Now, that being said, this is all caveated by the fact that, for the most part, negativity from others usually doesn’t affect me emotionally or psychologically. There’s exceptions, of course, and in that arena, I DO try to distance myself. But for the most part, I am able to take it in, sort it, categorize it, prioritize it, and then file it away or simply dump it out the other ear as necessary.

    Each to our own handling mechanisms, I guess. I cannot argue with improving your own wellbeing by eliminating that which is poisoning you.

    • Work is work. I have no interest in making waves in the workplace. In fact, I’d rather focus on (prepare for your eye roll in three, two, one…) the positive aspects each person brings to the table. That is probably where I see it the most and where I find the best examples, but I (try to) never engage so it all goes by the wayside. Does it colour my feelings towards people? Absolutely. But those people are people I work with and nothing’s going to change that. (That I work with them and that it’s all I do with them.)

      Outside of work, that’s different. For the most part (there are exceptions) these are people that we choose to spend time with and it’s behaviour that just lacks integrity. I’ve been seeing it rear its ugly head lately and I just don’t want any of it. I’m not hurt by someone or having a little fit, just exhausted. There is too much I wish I could have time to fit in to waste any of my time on that kind of childishness. People are people, but I’m opting out of that business from now on.

      And, yeah, I know. That first sentence was pretty clunky. My bad. šŸ˜›

      • Fair enough; this had a, “workplace politics”, vibe to it, hence my response.

        I get the ‘exhausted’ aspect of it. Due mostly to the area we live in, we have precious few friendship relationships that are in-person, as there’s few people our age or position in life and the very few we do have are often fraught with politics, issues, headaches, etc. Sometimes far, far too many to deal with — and sometimes we put up with it because, frankly, it’s better than staying home on a Friday night sometimes.

        But I get it insomuch as sometimes we avoid because avoiding is better than dealing. Trimming entirely would be really handy, but detrimental to the overall picture, so…for the moment, good-with-bad insomuch as we can handle it.

  2. One thing i have always found about people who tear others down do so because of their own insecurities in a feeble attempt to build themselves up.

    As far as just negativity in general i have had to make some very tough decisions the last few years and remove and distance myself from some people very close to me. Negativity from others is so toxic and can be so draining.

    I am far from perfect (gasp. I know that just totally blew your mind) but try to keep negativity at bay. Thanks for the reminder.

    • That’s where I’m at. I just can’t tolerate it anymore. This is an improvement I need to make in that I need to 1. Stop being sucked into it and 2. Speak up when it makes me uncomfortable. It exhausts me and it weighs me down physically and emotionally. Yuck!

  3. Funny this should be a topic! I was just talking about this (kinda sorta) with someone an hour ago. However it was more how all ever someone spews out is negativity, not necessarily associated with other people, but themselves. How UNattractive! I kind of blew up a little tonight about it (in conversation), and yes, I feel better about knowing which way I’m headed, and what will weigh me down if I don’t make a spin move in the opposite direction of said spew.

    Great topic!

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