second thoughts about my second (technically third) thoughts

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i accepted. then i changed my mind. i reaccepted. then i changed my mind again. thank god they really want me because, really. how else could they put up with that nonsense? that had been my little internal dance over the past week or so. thankfully i finally saw the light at about the midway point in my run this morning. i have nothing to lose except the opportunity itself.

thanks to the great crowd who stepped forward and tipped me over on to the right side of my teetering. encouragement flowed freely after i put that message out there. curiously, not one person said “don’t do it!” 😛

i believe that people admire people who say yes. we like people who take risks and are willing to go out on a limb. i stand in awe of people who do. i like to read about them. i like to write about them. i like to imagine myself like them.

had i read my own tweet from someone else, i’d have responded in the same way.

  • do it!
  • jump in! the water’s nice!
  • you only live once
  • no guts, no glory

when the dilemma and the nerves belong to someone else, i am insta-cheerleader. i am entirely in support of chasing the dream and entirely optimistic that it’ll either work out or a great lesson will be learned. i am 100% on board.

when it’s my challenge to face, i’m a little more timid. in fact, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the offer i’ve received. it is exciting, it is prestigious and it is an honour. i didn’t hesitate because i thought it wouldn’t fit into my life or because i thought i couldn’t make time to do it. i hesitated because, quite simply, because i was scared. what if i’m not as good as they think i’ll be? what if i can’t do it at all?

not 24 hours earlier in what i considered (and declared) my final polite refusal email, i’d written:

For whatever reason, I just can’t bring myself to feel comfortable with committing to <<it.>> I know that a life lived in comfort is a life not fully lived and that I should seek to jump off cliffs, face fears and just dive in.

and somehow those exact thoughts were what turned me around. i sent a text and was welcomed in with open arms.

in the end, as uncomfortable as it might make me to expose myself and to get risky, it would be far less comfortable to find out that i’m the kind of person who won’t.

so, here goes! wish me luck!

*.*.*

in the flurry of responses i got to my plea for a shove, adam goss sent me a link to just what the doctor ordered:
28 insights to make 2012 your best year yet.
it’s the kind of thing you must just print out and post on your wall.

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One response »

  1. I hear what you’re saying. When I saw your tweet I was like “DO IT! DO IT!” but shit, if it were my own decision to make, I wouldn’t be so hung ho about it.. I get nervous about accepting challenges out there on my own. But I’m all for you doing it! Ha ha! It’s hard sometimes to put ourselves out there and fearing rejection is normal (I think) and I think we’re two people who want our work to be viewed as the best thing ever! 🙂

    But you know what, everyone is right. No guts, no glory. And just like you’ve told me before “No regrets, only lessons!”

    Good luck sister.

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