keeping my eyes open

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it’s become a challenge these days. more and more i’m noticing myself dozing off while in the middle of doing something else. working, for example. while doing some configuration at my computer yesterday afternoon, i actually startled myself awake in the conference room at work, remembering for a split second a tiny snippet of a dream i’d had a moment before. i did the same thing on the couch last night, home after a long day in the office and a business dinner that followed. i tried my best to entertain the excitement starved, couch bound kevin, hoping to put some kind of excitement into his boring day, but my ability was short-lived. pretty soon i was doing the head bob as i nodded off.

i report to one of the attendees at dinner last night. prior to early 2010, i’d had no interaction with her, despite the fact that we’d been in the same organization for fifteen years. while fifteen years older than me, i came to admire her quite quickly. she is married and became a mother in her late thirties. she works very hard, long hours, but still does a lot of cool stuff. she’s laid back and experienced. she has a very worldly yet down to earth vibe goin’ on. i like that.

one of the stories she told last night was about a recent business trip she’d taken. she was traveling to present some significant information to some higher-ups. the night before her flight, she told us she’d been working at the office until 4am. she put the finishing touches on her ¬†finally left to go home, to pack and to say goodbye to her family. on the plane, she reviewed and practiced her speech then attended meetings on the other end. she’d requested first place in the presentation line-up and kicked off ten hours of meeting time the next morning followed by dinner that night. the next morning, she woke well before dawn to get on another flight back to calgary so that she could meet her husband who was in lake louise on a conference. their weekend consisted of commuting back and forth between lake louise and banff where her sister was running an event. on sunday, they drove partway back to silver star for the night, then home again on monday.

sounds great, right? also, totally on the go. i like on the go, but i kind of have to work at it. i used to get rattled by too much going on and i was pretty brutal at adapting to changes in plans. the perfectionist in me really wanted everything to just work out the way i’d imagined it would. to this day, i still pretty much marry myself to my envisioned plans, but i’m learning to let a little go. sometimes i pat myself on the back for personal growth, other times i just chalk it up to being to busy to worry about it.

what i see in my boss and what i’m trying to learn is to make the best of it. my head automatically calculates that if i work all day and then attend a work function, that means i only get an hour at home with my man instead of letting my heart appreciate the sixty minutes that i’m actually there. the way i used to look at things, a saturday morning in the office would ruin my whole weekend. now, i get it done and move on and relish the things i can do with all the time that i’m not there. my schedule’s forcing me to learn that sometimes it’s necessary to do things that throw a wrench into the plans. there always exists the option to dwell and to feel upset about things not running entirely smoothly, but there’s also the choice to just roll with it and take what you can get. thankfully, i’ve found a good role model in the latter. let me tell you, life is much better when you choose to enjoy it.

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2 responses »

  1. I too get wrapped up in thinking this way. Although given the fact that I am not working right now it isnt the issue its been in the past. Chris is probably the worst at this. He never just relaxes, he is always so up tight about this or that. A service call, traffic etc. I am forever trying to tell him to just relax and not be so worked up all the time. Of course he doesnt listen, but I sure try.

  2. Geez. Sometimes I need to remember all this and chill out. It’s hard not to think “I have this to do here, and then onto this, and next this. But I’ll never really get time to do this!” One thing at a time I have to keep reminding myself. I’ll reach my goals when I do and I just need to take sometime to enjoy the scenery along the way.

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