how do i look?

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last year, in an effort at career development, i took a course in presenting. as an exercise, the instructor chose a student and proceeded to ask us questions to which she asked we respond based on our perceptions of him. is he married? (yes) does he own a home? (yes) where was he born? (no, not india. he was born in canada.) that kind of thing. the questions kept coming and it was remarkable how easy it was for us to not only have an opinion on whether he plays sports (badminton, so…sort of? :P) but also a consensus. (we said no) the message the instructor was trying to deliver was that no matter how much we want to give lip service to the contrary, a person’s presentation does affect our opinion of them. (the lesson was to always present well in every sense of the word.) i cursed that instructor for not choosing me because, boy, did i wish that i could’ve heard what kind of impression i give off.

though we’ve never met in person, nathan and i have known each other online for long enough that i’d genuinely call him a friend. we converse on various topics (the internet, the philosophy of optimism, site design and, most recently, he’s filled the role of meat coach) via several methods (email, twitter, facebook, pen & paper, words with friends.) we’ve viewed any number of photos of one another, but still it’s not the real deal, as i’m sure anyone who has done any online dating can attest to. interestingly, the other day and through a series of tweets also involving my bestie, nathan laid out his belief that i am short. evidently, somewhere along the way, i gave the impression of being “a little spitfire.” he also ‘fessed to thinking amy the tall one. in reality, i tower five whole inches over her measly 5’6″. i teased that i was offended at being thought so much smaller than i am (well, only slightly. it did rattle me a little and until then i’d never realized how attached to my height i am.)

nathan’s belief was, in essence, an extension of the exercise we’d done in that class.

i’ve often marvel at the mystery of looking at my reflection in the mirror. i am very aware of how i look to me, but i spend a lot of time wondering the ways in which i am perceived differently by others. just as my relationship with another person colours how they look in my eyes, so our visions of ourselves are tinted. in much the same way as people react to hearing their recorded voices, that’s how i look at photos. when i see myself in a still, it enables me to separate from all the attachment i have to how i look and get a glimpse of the person i am to other people. i’m not sure how other people see me and i’m not particularly concerned about it. curious would be a much more apt term to use. i’m just curious.

lightened up protein power goddess bowl
it was certainly divine (heh. goddess. divine. get it?)

i don’t know if it’s obvious, but the kitchen and i have got a love-hate kinda thing goin’ on. i like the end product of having something healthy to eat and taking care of the people i love. i find it pretty fun to try new stuff and feel accomplished when a new recipe turns out well or i hear kevin tell me i’m an amazing cook. yes, i enjoy cooking, but i also kind of hate the time it consumes. that was evidenced by the mini-meltdown i had yesterday midway through creating my tomato soup. i looked at the clock and realized that since i’d been home from work, i’d spent nearly every minute standing there in front of the stove. it was nearly 8pm and all the time that i could’ve spent doing my version of fun stuff had expired. hmph. fortunately, i had kevin around to laugh in the face of my despair. literally.

today’s his gym day so i knew i was on my own for dinner, but my obsessive recipe seeking was not taking a rest. while in the midst of it, i had the most brilliant idea: i would plan (and make!) tomorrow’s meal so that i could not only visit the market again with a co-worker (second week in a row!) but also spend some time actually hanging out at home for once. mission accomplished. i now have zero food related responsibilities before our trip this weekend. (but knowing me, i’ll probably create some.)

just a note: that goddess bowl was phenomenal. i ate way too much of it as a result. lentils, quinoa, spinach and other goodies with a lemony tahini sauce. i’m still full, but even that isn’t stopping me from imagining another bowl!

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One response »

  1. Oh.. so I’m ‘measly’? LMFAO. I love it! I just wish I could live up (or down) to it. 🙂

    I agree with you. It’s hard not to make a general opinion about people when you start conversing with them. I do it on a daily basis with work people and when I do get to meet them in person.. well, it’s usually a 180.

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