i only went (slightly) public with this blog in the past 24 hours, but already the response from my darling friends has been phenomenally supportive. to each and every one of you, thank you. whether you know it or not, you have made it possible for me to live and to grow through the things that i have this summer.
i’ve long talked about making a return to blogging and, oh, how some of you know i have tried! i have lost count of all the different urls and hosts and angles and attempts i have made to get back to the place where i was happy to write, however frivolously, but freely, on a daily basis and without a care in the world. bex and i often wax nostalgic about the good old days and plot our comeback, but somehow, life just always seems to get in the way. on the bright side, i think every conversation brings us closer to constructing our paths and one step closer to embarking on the trail.
one hesitation of mine has been the existence of comments. had you visited sometime before the evening yesterday, you may have noticed that my comments were turned off. while most feedback can be filed in the it is what it is category, there is always some that can be considered, quite simplistically, good or bad. some comments have the power to lift a writer to the clouds, leaving them giddy in the glow camaraderie or understanding, while the evil stepsister to said belle of the ball, some comments cut straight to (and through) the heart. as someone who can be ultra-sensitive to the actions of others, i have found myself upset by the careless words of others more often than i would like to admit.
i don’t want to give the illusion that i have trouble dealing with criticism or disagreement, nor have i ever been outright attacked online. people can just be so insensitive and in the forum of an online community (for, given the opportunity for public contribution, isn’t that what a blog really is?) it can be a huge challenge to understand the context in which not only a post, but also a response to it is written.
my greatest disappointment, and probably the scar that cut me deep enough that i have shied from comments ever since, came on a post i had written in what i considered to be one of the most heartfelt voices i’d ever used for public consumption. a friend who i am sure meant no harm was the first to comment and she chose to say something completely trivial and entirely unrelated to the topic on which i had written. that she’d completely disregarded the way i’d left myself vulnerable bothered me more than any assault on my ideas might have. i know the hurt wasn’t intentional and i know i was probably hyper-sensitive about it, but i still remember. and given that, for the time being, i am using this space essentially (though, not necessarily intentionally) as therapy, i’m a little more exposed than i am used to being.
thankfully, sweet thais had the good grace to reach out and talk me down and out and open me up. she’s right in pointing out that each comment is full of support and beauty and, at the very least, a lesson. and, after all, what’s a blog without the community? xo