lately, life has blessed me with the feeling of finally becoming a real adult. i’ll be the first to admit that i’m late to the party on this one, but my lifestyle just didn’t lend itself to acting so much like a grown up. i mean, i take care of myself and my business, but i’ve never had much concern about the big stuff. ’til now. it seems that a good, solid relationship can reflect itself in your priorities and goals remarkably. that’s what i’m learning. i’ve never been one to consider things like settling down, or owning a home, but, to date, i’ve never had any reason to. and, though, i’ve never felt the need to rule the possibility of doing so out, i’ve also never had to form an official opinion on becoming a mother.
this month, the awesome site owning pink gifted me the opportunity to take part in a six week course called maybe baby. the scholarship was just the coolest news and the goal of the program is quite simple in its beauty: to help the women taking part in identifying their real and honest feelings about having babies; to, as the tagline states, be at peace with your truth.
as a woman, it isn’t like the thought has never crossed my mind. i believe it’s just in our nature to analyze our intentions on the topic. it is thrust upon us at a very early age, after all – i’m sure most girls still have a baby doll prior to their first birthday – and that trend of playing house doesn’t end there. in fact, i can think of several examples of women still playing house thirty plus years later.
some women just *know* what they want. others know exactly what they don’t. and some women think they know what they want and end up changing their minds completely. for example, i have a friend who swore she’d never ever be a parent, is about to deliver next month and is absolutely beside herself with excitement.
many of my friends have children, but i don’t ever remember the decision to have children (or not) being part of standard girl talk. true to that statement, the creator of the program calls the subject one of the biggest conversation women aren’t having.
after ten years of work as a doula, i’ve logged a lot of time around all things birth and baby, but none was spent on this huge question. by the time i got around them, my clients were already pretty committed.
that creator i mentioned is a woman named randi buckley who is also the course facilitator. her program is built around videos, audio clips, reading materials and her own maybe baby experience. as she explains it:
“Maybe Baby” seeks your truth. We’ll look at what may be in the way of that, and what it means. Some women I’ve worked with have talked about feeling like a hypocrite (because you always said ‘hell no’ about kids), wondering if you’ll be able to make it financially, how to talk to a partner about your feelings, your stereotypes of what people become when then become parents, how to be ok with wanting a child when a friend is suffering infertility or miscarriage, being scared that you might screw someone up, what you can say to well-meaning relatives who have opinions or won’t stop asking you about this, reconciling having once terminated a pregnancy but perhaps wanting a child now, being ok with no, being ok with “I don’t know”, being ok with yes. The list goes on, but it’s your list and I want to help. And I will.
we’ve only just assembled, representing seven different countries and it’s already a very powerful connection. it is always awe-inspiring to witness a group of women uniting with intention. the place we share is a sacred space and out of it will not come any stories, though i will likely be back with my own ideas and/or feelings as i process my work. i hope you will join in and share with me your insight into the experience of becoming a parent.
i feel lucky to have never suffered the kind of pressure from my family that you see in the movies or that i’ve heard about from friends. aside from a few totally out of line acquaintances, nobody’s ever even really shown interest in my desire (or lack thereof) for a family. i’m sure i am at a point when most people think that a baby is something i’ve decided against. though many mothers i know had their children in their late thirties, a lot of folks are still hung up on the idea that it’s too late. truth is, i wouldn’t give up any of the experiences i had until now to go back and change things. i ended up in this place for a reason and no matter what comes out of this exploration, i am confident that it will lead me to my own understanding. my hope is that i can dive in and really live it, get involved and make the most of this amazing guidance and opportunity.
more later, to be certain. in the meantime…
- did you just *know* that you would (or would not) be a mother? (or a father, for that matter?)
- what were your biggest concerns or hesitations in making the decision to become a parent?
- as a mom or dad, what would you advise others to consider before going down the road of baby making?